A slow clap that no one joins into...

In the movies...someone starts a slow clap that is supposed to turn into an applause and then no one joins in and it's super awkward and they sit down...that's how I feel about this outfit.

She gave this a valiant effort. I will applaud that. And then I am sitting down.

White on white is a tough look to pull off. You can end up looking super Hamptons-chic or like marshmallow. With those pants, I am saying no to this shirt. A (white) tucked in blouse with a belt would allow these pants to shine. A simple heel would be the way to go here. Maybe a heel with a splash of color or a statement necklace. Neon heels are never a good idea. 

You can't sit with us.

Bye Felicia...

xoxo

Coco

Just (don't) Do it - a nike memoir

Sneakers

I love wearing them. 

I love that they are trending.

I hate this outfit.

    -a Haiku by Coco

Honestly though, sneakers are great. I can openly embrace my tomboy, workout-aholic style in public and still be considered fashion-forward (<<not really but whatever). This outfit though, is extreme(ly bad). She could have went with simple white Keds or a flat sandal..why oh why baby blue nike trainers with a lavender and black paisley spaghetti strap skater dress?! It just...it's mind boggling.

Possibilities: for the sake of the benefit of the doubt

   - she came from a soccer game to get lunch and forgot appropriate shoes

   - color blind (total possibility)

   - blind in general (doubtful though since she is looking at a cell phone...)

EASTER EGG: 

   - she is wearing a ring...engaged? married? just an accent piece?

We'll never know...

xoxo

Coco

Have Me Some Hamsa

Finally got my tattoo finished last night! I just had the outline for a little over a year and I spontaneously made an appointment to add the design. I couldn't be happier with how it came out! I love the hamsa and what is stands for: protection, health, strength, guidance, culture, and so much more. 

#happyhealing #happyhamsa

xoxo

Coco

Festive Purchases

What's more exciting that having planned trips for the summer? SHOPPING for those trips. I was never an online shopper..but...people change. And might I add that I have a keen eye for deals. I probably spend more money because I buy literally every deal to save money...so there's that...but new things just make me sOoo happy. 

Francesca's is such a fun store for statement pieces at a GREAT price. I can't wait to go somewhere so I can pack up my weekender bag. I'm also a sucker for fun sneakers to pair with basically everything. And necklaces...forget it...I see a cute one and I'm sold. (Kind of like with guys...lol)

xoxox

Coco

Sparkle and Please Fade

If it is cold enough to wear Ugh (UGG) boots, why are you in shorts?  

I do approve, however, of her long mermaid hair.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to see it, did it make a noise?

The answer is yes. The tree did make a noise and this lady's outfit did in fact exist even though there is no photo evidence.

So there I was at the office just minding my own business, directing the usual customer traffic, when there I saw it. It was like seeing a unicorn from the story books except she was a magical creature whose identity was textbook "what not to wear".

I didn't want to stare and scare her off; I peered from my peripherals, examining intensely, wishing I had my cell phone.

Where to begin. Her feet were snug in her light grey Crocs, bedazzled with charms (the most noticeable one was a monkey). Peering through the cracks of her Crocs (say that ten times fast) and from under her flood pant/mom jeans, glowed her rainbow striped socks. Rainbow. Striped. Socks. She wore a dull, yellow Ralph Lauren sweater and had a brightly patterned floral Vera Bradley backpack that hung off one shoulder.

The magical creature danced off out of the store, hopefully never to be seen again.

The 90's called, they want their platforms back

"OMG Mel B, can I have your autograph?" "Oh wait, I'm sorry, you mean you're wearing black leather platform boots and you're not a Spice Girl?" End scene.

One of the biggest mistakes trend "followers" make is that they apply one trend to ALL styles and situations. They take it and run with it. For example: Sock bun out to dinner? yes. At the gym? no. Literally running with it. SO...when you say platforms are making their debut again since the 90's, get this (in black, NOT in camo obvs) and not this.

Get edgy, not grungy. Get fabulous, not frumpy.

Black trench coat, rando backpack and 90's knee high Magic Mike meets Spice Girls belt buckle boots...no.

Blending In....

Let's set the scene, shall we? Date: National Margarita Day (aka Feb. 22) Time: Half Past Tipsy (about 10pm) Location: Random Mexican Restaurant with sketchy bar in the basement (but serves fabulous margaritas and chips btw).

So there I am at the bar with my girlfriends chatting, sipping, crunching, shmoozing, the whole deal. I'm literally wearing a beanie, skinny jeans, casual t-shirt and wedges....super casual (and adorable if I might add). So down the creeky, windy, Mexican tiled staircase comes suburban Cinderella. She wore a white lace, knee length dress, a white fur shrug, brown cowboy boots, gold disk earrings and a sock bun...and a cute watch...forget the watch. Honestly, I felt bad. Maybe she had come from somewhere and wanted to stop in for a last second National Margarita Day drink? But it was only 10pm...But why was her friend so casual? WHY is she wearing all white? ...The only events that are socially acceptable to wear all white to are 1. Your Wedding Day 2. Sorority Initiation. People were staring, she was clearly uncomfortable, we were all uncomfortable. I need answers.

Coco says....

Be a diva or die trying

Go bold or go home coconuts 

It's a bird it's a plane

It's Jack the Ripper?

Everything about this screams death, sadness, bird funeral, mourning...basically anything other than chic fur coat. Coco can't even. 

Double Trouble

We all know the trend of the century, leggings and Uggs. And like all fashions trends, there is a right way and a wrong way to wear them. Before I even MENTION the socks, let's just clarify that wearing barely there leggings and cropped top/hoodie is NEVER the right way to go, no matter how skinny you are. In addition, the drug referenced school girl peep socks do not exaclty help their image. We get it, you're "young, wild, and free". In all fairness, we've all made mistakes in the name of highschool "coolness"...I mean I haven't...but people have...so Coco cuts them some slack.

Reoccurring Disasters: part one of many

Part one should have been the Chinese Slipper from a previous post but like whatever. So...ankle biters. I see them all the time and I just want to yell at people and I purposely stare because I want them to feel as uncomfortable as their pants are making me. Ankle biters, by definition, are longer than capris, wannabe flood pants. They are unnatural and uncomfortable and flaunt your ankles. Even worse, when your ankles aren't catching a cold, they expose your hello kitty, rainbow socks that is just a cock block all in itself. Ladies, coconuts, take a second before your leave your house and make sure your pants fit. If you're flaring above the ankle, toss em.

Xoxo coco

Jean fail

Words such as joutfit and jorts have become a part of our vocabulary. But what about japron or jurse? Well coconuts, they sound as unnatural as they look and the prime example is above. It's bad enough that the material is a washed out dad jean, but it's being used as, dare I say it, some sort of jean sack/purse but doubles as an apron. I actually can only look at this picture with one eye open. Photocred to my sister who had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting this creature in person. Brb gonna vom. 

Coco